Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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