I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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