I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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