...so i touched it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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