Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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