I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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