God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
