and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
