Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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