i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
