this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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