I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
