so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
