i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm too high and old for this...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
