I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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