Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize