oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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