so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i will never coherently bang her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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