I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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