Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
