I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize