I bet he comes in French.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
