We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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