I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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