Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize