I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
