She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
