Whod you bang
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
