they need to just BURY HIM!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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