You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
