I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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