Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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