You just made me feel so damn special
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize