We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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