And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
