It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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