I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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