waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
