YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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