do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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