I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
