i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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