You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize