Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
