Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
