I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
