it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
