Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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