Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
