Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
