Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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