I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
