oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
