she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize