I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
