kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
