Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
