Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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