Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
