When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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