now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
