i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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