your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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