sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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