you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
