I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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