Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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