Pappa wants mamma naked
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
