I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
