So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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