you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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