My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
