My hand turned me down
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
